


The Field

by rubberglue



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-01
Updated: 2011-06-01
Packaged: 2017-10-19 23:52:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/206567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubberglue/pseuds/rubberglue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Morgana and Gwen were friends once upon a time but things have changed. Can old affections save the two of them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Field

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Bechdel Test Fic-a-thon. The prompt was: Morgana-Gwen (or Morgana/Gwen). Class; knowing one's place; bereavement; betrayal by pandarus . This is very slightly different from the one posted at the Fic-a-thon.

~*~*~

Gwen gazed out the window, her fingers gripping the ledge tightly and her vision blurred by the hot tears in her eyes. Thunder rumbled in the distance and she idly wondered if the rain that came would be able to put out the fires. In the darkness, she stared at the field that stretched emptily in front of her, lit sporadically by the flickering flames nearby. She could almost see two young girls frolicking, free of worries, of responsibilities, of secrets. Two young girls who once believed their affections would survive anything.

A sound at the door cut through her thoughts and she turned slowly around. The end was nigh and she would face it with dignity. It was all she had left.

***

Skirts flying, the two girls flew across the field before they finally crashed into each other, tumbling onto the damp morning grass in a ball of apologies and laughter.

"My lady!" Guinevere heaved out in between gulps of fresh air as she knelt beside the girl sprawled on her back, "It's time for your embroidery lessons. Lady Adelia is waiting in the castle. Oh dear! Your dress is ruined. When we get back, I’ll -"

Still laughing gaily, Morgana simply shook her head and pushed herself up. She offered her hand to Gwen who took it after a pause.

"How old are you Gwen?" asked Morgana as she dusted herself off.

"11, my lady."

"And I'm 13 and yet you're so solemn and responsible. I don't like Lady Adelia so I won’t go back. There's nothing you can do about it anyway. Let's have a little fun instead. Come on!"

Gwen stared nonplussed as Morgana picked up her skirts again and started striding towards the far edge of the field, away from the castle. The king had instructed her to bring Morgana back to the castle and she wasn't doing a very good job of it, which was unfortunate because Gwen really wanted to keep her job.

“My lady, please, you must return for your lesson. The king will not be happy if he –“

“Oh hush! If we go back, I’m going to have to do embroidery and really, I’m just not meant to do embroidery. Just yesterday I pricked my finger and got blood everywhere. It’s better for everyone if I stay away from embroidery. And if we go back, Edwin is just going to send you off to clean some silly alcove somewhere in the castle which no one cares about.”

“Edward.”

“What? Who’s Edward?”

“Not Edwin. It’s Edward. Sometimes we just have to do things we don’t like, my lady. It’s the way life is. I wish –“

“Nonsense! I’m the king’s ward and I can do whatever I want. Now, are you going to join me? We can go pick some wildflowers for my room. I saw some gorgeous purple ones over there.”

Gwen knew she should have turned around and gone back to the castle. She knew she should have simply reported Morgana’s refusal to return. Instead, she found herself giggling over gossip about the royal household and picking flowers as Morgana pointed out the ones she wanted. It was the best morning at the castle she had ever had.

Thankfully, the king didn’t throw her out of the castle for neglecting her duties. He made her Morgana’s handmaiden and Gwen suspected Morgana had something to do with that.

***  
For a moment, with memories fresh in her mind, Gwen almost forgot the events of the past few days and instinctively made to move towards the figure silhouetted against the entrance.

“Stay where you are,” the ice underneath the words froze Gwen’s movements, reminding her of the chasm that existed between them now. It was not the kind, loving mistress who stood before her. It was the lady whose heart had been lost to hate and darkness.

Silence descended as the figure in the doorway considered her options. Gwen lifted her head and stood proudly. She would not regret what she did, no matter the consequences. Soft footsteps approached and she stiffened and closed her eyes. The Morgana she wanted to remember was not this person walking towards her.

“You always had to do the brave and noble thing. Didn’t I mean anything to you?”

“You meant the world to me,” whispered Gwen as a tear escaped, “but you gave me little choice. I could not go down the path you did.”

Gwen could hear the scorn and derision in the bark of laughter that echoed through the room.

“Aren’t you the one who is always telling people that there is always a choice? You had a choice Gwen. You chose them instead of me."

***

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Gwen shifted the sword cautiously, testing its balance. It wasn’t made by her father but it was a good sword nonetheless.

Morgana stood in front of her, her delicate green dress a shocking contrast to the gleaming sword she was swinging enthusiastically. After three years of being Morgana’s handmaiden, Gwen had learnt that whatever Morgana wanted, Morgana got. Sometimes it was accompanied by ranting and raving on the part of the king, but in the end, he never denied her anything. Except today he refused to let her train with the knight which is how the two of them ended up standing in the middle of the field, playing with swords they had swiped from the armoury. Luckily Gwen was no novice with a sword.

“Come on Gwen! You’re a blacksmith’s daughter. You must know some tricks."

Rolling her eyes, Gwen surrendered to Morgana’s wishes and the two girls clanked swords under the warm, blue sky. It wasn’t the first time they were out on the open field playing at being knights and Gwen didn’t think it would be the last.

Unlike their other times though, it was soon apparent that Morgana’s heart wasn’t in it when she allowed Gwen to disarm her easily. Cursing under her breath, Morgana dropped to the grass and buried her face in her hands. Slightly alarmed, Gwen set down her sword and sat next to Morgana.

“My dad died today and I realised that I barely remember him. I think of him and he’s this blurry shape and I can’t remember his voice or his smell. I can’t remember how he looks. I –“

Slipping an arm around Morgana, Gwen confessed, “I can’t remember my mother much either. All I know of her is what my dad tells me. But I know that while I may not remember what her hair was like or her voice, I remember that she loved me and that’s the most important thing isn’t it? Your dad loved you so much Morgana. Remember how you used to tell me about all the gifts he would bring back from all his adventures?”

Nodding, Morgana stared at Gwen a little before pulling her into a hug and for the next hour, they sat in silence contemplating the losses in their life.

“Gwen?” Morgana looked earnestly at her some time later, “we’re friends right? Like real friends who like each other?”

“Of course my lady,” laughed Gwen as she jumped up, grabbed the swords and ran back to the castle. She could hear Morgana’s indignant huff but this time, she was going to reach the castle first.

***

“I thought we were friends. And friends don’t betray friends. But that’s exactly what you did. You betrayed me.”

Every cold word that fell from Morgana’s lips pierced Gwen’s heart but it was nothing she could deny. She could feel Morgana standing next to her and she squeezed her eyes tighter. This isn’t the Morgana I know, she repeated to herself like a prayer. If she didn’t hold on to that thought, she thought that she would shatter.

“Have you nothing to say now my dear Gwen? Once, I would have done almost anything for you and this is how we end up? On opposite sides of a war? Open your eyes and look at me!” snarled Morgana as she grabbed Gwen’s chin and shook her.

This isn’t the Morgana I know. This isn’t the Morgana I know.

Reluctantly, Gwen opened her eyes and looked into the cold abyss of Morgana’s. A smirk crossed Morgana’s face briefly as she gazed into Gwen’s eyes.

“Tell me where Excalibur is.”

Wrenching her face from Morgana’s hands, Gwen stepped away, fists clenched and heart thumping. As coolly as she could, she shook her head. She did not trust her voice to not give away the fear coiling around her heart.

***

“Uther is a snake! An untrustworthy, cunning, cowardly snake!” Morgana had worked herself into a snit after Uther had sentenced yet another elderly lady to her death for sorcery.

Jogging to keep up with Morgana as she strode across the field, Gwen was careful not to spill the basket of food she was holding. She had thought a picnic would get Morgana’s mind off the execution but it seemed that she was wrong.

“I think magic users are quite scary to be honest. I mean, with all that power they have, how does someone without magic defend herself?”

Scoffing as she sat down on the cloth Gwen had lain, Morgana said indignantly, “Yes but that lady – she couldn’t help having magic and she didn’t do anything bad with it. She just tried to make her crops grow better!”

Having nothing to say to that, Gwen busied herself putting out the food. Magic genuinely scared her but she had to admit killing every single magic user seemed overly harsh. Morgana had seemed increasingly interested in magic recently and revelled in discussing the moralities of magic with Gwen, forcing Gwen to examine some of her own thoughts and ideas about magic.

“If I had magic, would you think I should be killed too?” Morgana poked at a flower, refusing to meet Gwen’s eyes.

“Of course not!” Gwen blurted out.

“How am I different from another magic user then?”

“I –“ Gwen hesitated, “ well, you’re a good person. You’re kind and generous and caring and I know you wouldn’t use magic for evil! If you had magic, which you don’t, you would use it for good.”

“You think too highly of me Gwen,” laughed Morgana, her effusive praise had apparently brought Morgana out of her musings. Sobering up, Morgana clasped Gwen’s hands tightly, “promise me, Gwen that we’ll always have each other no matter what, that you’ll be with me even if I turn out to be magic.”

“Oh Morgana, what is all this talk about magic?”

“Promise me Gwen!”

“I promise. I will always be by your side.”

***

Morgana moved to the window and glanced out, “Is that what you were looking at? The field?”

Turning away, Gwen bit her lip and stared at the floor.

“We spent a lot of time together there didn’t we? Playing, picking flowers, talking, all those things little girls do. What happened to us Gwen? We were so happy once.” Morgana sounded almost wistful.

Unable to help herself, Gwen muttered bitterly, “You destroyed Camelot, my home. That’s what happened.”

“Don’t you see Gwen? I had to. If I had let Uther continue ruling, he would have had me killed eventually. It has nothing to do with you or us. I’m doing the world a favour, getting rid of Uther. You understand. He killed your father! How could you side with him over me?”

“I never sided with him Morgana. I sided with the people of Camelot. The ones you allowed to be killed so you could breech the castle.”

“There’s a price to pay for everything. This was a price worth paying. Soon, I will be Queen and you can be my lady-in-waiting, like how it was before. You will still have a home with me Gwen. Just tell me where Excalibur is. This war will never be over until I find and destroy that sword.”

Something broke in Gwen and suddenly her cheeks were wet with tears, her bosom heaving as she tried to catch her breath in between sobs. It sounded all so easy to go back into the past. Just reveal Excalibur’s location and things could go back as they were, to a time when she didn’t have difficult decisions to make, when she simply followed orders and thought nothing of their consequences, when her biggest worry was whether Morgana got enough sleep. It was so easy.

She looked out of the window Morgana stood at. The sky was dark, filled with smoke from the burning of the lower and middle towns. Flames licked the edges of the field and Gwen knew the field would not last much longer. She no longer had a home here. The war had taken everything from her, her home, her flowers, her friends, the clear blue skies and the field. She was no longer the Gwen who chased butterflies across the field with Morgana. That Gwen had died the moment she witnessed Morgana plunge her sword into Old Jacob’s chest. Maybe Morgana could pretend nothing had happened and go back to being the way they were but Gwen could not. There was no turning back now, not when everything was lost and the past just memories trapped in her head.

“No.”

***

Morgana wanted to go for a walk and Gwen had suggested the field. Perhaps there, Morgana would feel comfortable enough to confide in Gwen what was bothering her since her return to Camelot. Their relationship had been strained but Gwen knew that a year in captivity could change someone. She only hoped that with time, Morgana would go back to being her old self again. She feared what the bandits had done to Morgana and she feared she had lost Morgana.

The sun was out and little wildflowers dotted the field, reminding Gwen of the first time she spoke with Morgana in this field. Trailing behind Morgana, Gwen wondered if she should say anything. Had it been some other royal instead of Morgana, Gwen wouldn’t dare open her mouth. It was not her place. But she and Morgana were different. They were friends and friends openly cared for one another.

“Morgana? My lady?”

Morgana turned and raised her eyebrow at Gwen who stood awkwardly, her feet shifting while her hands played with her dress.

“I need to know, is everything alright? I know the year with the bandits must have been difficult for you. But, I’m your friend and you can tell me anything.”

Letting out a short laugh, Morgana asked coldly, “What makes you think I want to talk about things? And to a servant?”

Taking a step back, Gwen stammered out an apology and looked to the ground, feeling as small as one of the various creatures who lived in the grass. She was mistaken. It had not been her place to ask and she should have known that, Gwen mentally scolded herself. Morgana might call her a friend at times but she was still a servant.

“Gwen!” Morgana walked towards her and stretched out a hand, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. It’s been difficult being back. People either think I ought to go back to the way I was or they smother me with questions and attention. I didn’t mean to take it out on you Gwen.”

“I am just a servant, my lady. I should not have –“

Grabbing Gwen’s hands, Morgana sighed, “You’re more than a servant Gwen. You know that. I’m sorry I snapped at you. We’re friends right? And you can say anything to me. Anything. Anytime.”

The right words were said but they came out wrong. So while Morgana prattled on about the silly knight she encountered the night before, Gwen tried to mask her growing unease with a bright smile.

***

“I am still your lady Guinevere, and you are in no position to defy me.” Pinning her with a glare, Morgana spat out, motioning for the two guards hovering at the door to grab Gwen, “I’ll give you one more chance, for old time’s sake, where is Excalibur?”

“I’ll never tell you,” Gwen thanked God her voice didn’t waver. She winced as the guards pulled her towards Morgana and threw her to the ground. Gwen stared stubbornly at the cold, marble floor, refusing to look up until Morgana nudged her face with the tip of her sword.

“You never did know your place, servant. Always asking me questions, giving me opinions when I never asked for them, lying to me, consorting with the prince. To think I felt sorry for the little girl with no mother. We weren’t friends Guinevere. You were just a distraction, a momentary amusement. Something I knew would irk Uther – me being friends with a lowly handmaiden.”

The tip of the sword pressed against Gwen’s cheek, drawing blood but the pain engulfing her heart was far worse than the sting of the sword. This is not Morgana, she chanted in her head, but seeing Morgana standing over her in the sumptuous red dress Gwen had sewn for her rendered her muttered prayers ineffective.

“Did you think I cared for you? I simply enjoyed having you around to pander to me. Any other serving girl would have done. Unfortunately I thought you a little more loyal than this.” Morgana increased the pressure on the sword.

Flinching, Gwen lay as motionless as she could on the floor. She would not give Morgana the satisfaction of seeing how much her words had hurt. Annoyed at Gwen’s unresponsiveness, Morgana signalled the guards and they hauled her off the floor and dragged her out of the room.  
“You had your chance Guinevere but you failed to take them. Unfortunately, I will have to deal with you the same way I deal with all those who turned against me. Take her away!”

Too tired and hurt to fight, Gwen allowed the two guards to lead her off. As she walked out of the room, she glanced back to see Morgana staring out of the window. Her features had softened and for a moment, Gwen saw the Morgana she once knew. But as Morgana turned to look at her, a slight smile grazed her lips and her friend disappeared.

***

“How could you Morgana? How could you bring death and destruction to Camelot? This is your home! Uther was your guardian and Arthur loved you like a sister. We all loved you Morgana.” sobbed Gwen as she raced after Morgana who was stalking across the field. She had just witnessed a portion of Morgana’s army storming through the lower town, destroying property and slaughtering anyone who dared stand in their way.

Before Morgana could respond, her guards approached her, dragging with them an old man. He was frail and could barely stand on his own but his eyes gleamed with defiance and he refused to bow to Morgana. The guards hit the back of his knees and he fell to the ground.

“My lady, this man here was found harbouring some of Arthur’s knights. We’ve dealt with the knights but we thought you would like to deal with the traitor.”

Gwen watched in growing horror as Morgana unsheathed her sword and pointed it at the old man.

“Tell me, old man,” she snarled, “did you know harbouring traitors is punishable by death?”

The old man spat at Morgana, “How could you turn against all who raised you? How could you destroy us all like this?”

“Uther was a horrible king!”

“He was not the one who killed my son and his wife yesterday. Your men did. You tell us Uther needs to die for killing all those innocent magic users. How are you any better? My son and his wife did nothing! They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Shaking with rage at the old man’s impertinence, Morgana pushed her sword forward, impaling the old man. She yanked her sword out of the still-warm body and turned on Gwen, her eyes dancing with anger and her hand trembling with madness.

“You have been a loyal servant Gwen all these years but not these last few days. You’ve been keeping secrets from me. More specifically, you know where Excalibur is and you know I want it. That is why you went off and hid it didn’t you? You are as bad a traitor as that old man is. But I’ll give you a chance. Bring Excalibur to me by tomorrow morning and I’ll pardon you.”

Stunned and horrified by the murder she’d just witnessed, Gwen nodded quickly, turned and ran back to the castle.

***

The storm had started and the field was flooded. Shoving her every now and then, the guards made Gwen trek across the soggy grass. Her slippers had long been left behind and the stones and pebbles in the grass cut her feet. Only the castle was left. Everything else had been burnt to the ground by Morgana and her army. Why Morgana was taking her to the field she couldn’t know but she was thankful.

If she could choose where to die, this would be the place. The field where she had met her best friend, where they shared their most important moments and where they had promised to be friends forever. Life had intervened, wrecking their friendship but Gwen wanted to go thinking of the good times when they were convinced nothing would come between them.

The guards tied her to a post and blindfolded her. She heard the crossbows being readied and she let herself remember. Once upon a time, Morgana had been someone else and that was the girl Gwen thought of. If she could see, Gwen might have noticed the shine in Morgana’s eyes and the hesitation before she gave the order to shoot.

Gwen slumped over the bindings. Morgana dropped her sword and rushed over.

As the sun peeked through the clouds, two girls huddled together in the field.


End file.
